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"The Future For Women"
Table of Contents
(NOTE: Click on the "View excerpt" link below each chapter heading to read selected passages from the book.)- Introduction: Let's Fly With Both Wings
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When men and women together, as partners in all arenas of society, exercise true power with and for each other and the world, wonderful things can happen. That is the overall vision of this book and the movement I hope it launches. I believe there is hope. Human beings chose this state of affairs, and they can choose to change it. Crucial to that change, I believe, is the empowerment of women, so that they can use all their wisdom and gifts in every arena of society, not just some. When more women realize that true power is innate, and that they can use it, they will. When more men realize that true power is a far better choice than false power, and are willing to act with true power for the flourishing of all, the world will be a much better place, because balance and harmony will finally be restored. The bird that is humanity will finally be able to fly, because it is flying with both wings, male and female. (p. 15)
- Chapter One: The Power of Our Stories
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It is very important that we women tell each other our stories. When those stories are told from the heart, with integrity and honesty, they are sacred. Unfortunately, we do not always value our stories. That is because so much of our story as women has been erased from history. What we learned in school is indeed "his-story." In the past, most of the stories have been about men, made up by men, and from men´s viewpoints. What happened to "her-story?" (pp. 21,22)
I have personally been enormously empowered by the evidence of women´s power and equality long ago, and the beautiful, strong images of women from the art of prehistoric time. It is vitally important in our world today for us as women (and men too) to know our "herstory" and integrate it into our own stories and lives, so that we can live in a way that is congruent with who we really are – life-giving, powerful, wise, wonderful women without whose full participation this world will perish. (p. 24)
As we look to the future, we have the fun and challenge of imagining what kind of story we want to create for the future world as women and men become more and more fully partners everywhere, in every way. (p. 32) - Chapter Two: Real Power and How to Use It
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Power that relies on any kind of force, however subtle, is weak at the core. It depends on manipulating people with fear or rewards. By contrast, real power is the ability to help people and all of life flourish. The power that helps this happen is, at its heart, profoundly creative and loving. It has nothing to do with domination, manipulation, or any attempt to control others. It has to do, instead, with the power to create, choose, and act for the flourishing of oneself and all creation. (p. 38)
- Chapter Three: The Power of Sacred Circles
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How can we as women work together to harness our innate power? I believe gathering in sacred circles is a vital and important way to do this. I call them "sacred" because N.E.W. circles have a special purpose and design that deeply respects and empowers each woman who participates in them. (p. 58)
The power of sacred circles, and in particular, of N.E.W. circles, is that they are designed to take advantage of ancient universal wisdom through the circle process, and at the same time to meet contemporary needs by gathering women together to empower one another. In this way, women create a community of support for each other, so that every one can fulfill her potential and contribute in her own unique way to the larger whole. This purpose shapes everything that is done in N.E.W. circles, and attracts women who desire to experience their true, innate power more fully, so that this world becomes a better place. (p. 68)
Think what could happen of there were circles of women, meeting deliberately to empower each other, and make positive change in every home, school, office, corporation, religious institution, neighborhood, and so on! Think how such circles would help us as women network, negotiate with people in power, change our environments and circumstances, and make a difference for the next generation. There is enormous, as yet unleashed power in the deliberate, regular gathering of women in such circles. In fact, it is unlikely that the status quo will change much unless women gather in circles, and thereby find the courage, inspiration, and support to insist that they be treated as equal partners in their homes and in the world. (p. 69)
(This chapter also contains material on each of the Nine Agreements that governs the N.E.W. Circle Meeting Process.) - Chapter Four: The Power of Questioning
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Have you ever pondered how powerful the process of questioning is? Questions, unlike answers, are open-ended, allowing for exploring and learning. Answers, even satisfying, can close the doors, and contribute to a false sense of security or even smugness. People who know all the answers are seldom appreciated. Many of us sense instinctively that no one and no group has all the answers. Those who claim they do often have a certain air of superiority and self-righteousness that is most unattractive. The Truth is so huge, so mysterious, that the most brilliant people and belief systems can only catch glimpses of it. (p. 72,73)
One of the most powerful tools women have is to question what they have been told is true if it doesn't seem right, and feels dis-empowering-not matter what so-called authority is behind the "truth" they have been told. No one can force us to believe and accept anything in our minds and hearts which we do not choose for ourselves as true. Good questions to ask are: "Who says so?" and "Who benefits by this?" (This chapter also contains material on each of the Nine Questions that are used in N.E.W. circle meetings.)
The important thing is, not to stop questioning. —Albert Einstein
I would like to beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart, and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a foreign language… Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. —Rainer Maria Rilke - Chapter Five: The Power of Experience
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I can say from experience that what makes a women´s circle a N.E.W. circle – that is, the format, the process, and the questions – works well. The women who have attended circle meetings have found it a powerful, significant experience in their lives. The way the circle is conducted provides a safe, dependable structure that honors each woman. The questions quickly take participants to an important place within themselves, and a process begins that continues long after the circle meeting is over. There is a marvelous, sometimes surprising open-heartedness, vulnerability, and depth of sharing which every woman treasures. The things we have learned from each other have been inspiring and life changing. The support we feel in the circle from one another has helped us all immeasurably. (p. 103)
(This chapter also contains nine meeting guides, complete with explanations, suggested simple rituals for beginning and ending the meeting, and hints for starting and sustaining a N.E.W. circle of your own.) - Chapter Six: The Power of True Partnership
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Women need men, just as men need women, and they must work together in a more positive way than is now the case in our world. That cannot happen unless and until more and more individual men believe that full partnership is a far better thing for them, for women, for children, and the whole world than the Status Quo. Collectively, men are just as subject to societal beliefs passed down from the past, as are women. Changes in society must be rooted and grow in individuals. This means that each man must take personal responsibility for such change, beginning with himself. Then he must put pressure on other men to relate to women respectfully, as equal partners. Men can do a great deal to change each other's beliefs and actions. (Alan Johnson´s book, The Gender Knot, describes why and how this needs to take place.) (p. 133)
Both men and women need to stop being in denial about the need for change in their personal relationships, and in the structures of society. Denial is one of the chief symptoms of addiction, and it is safe to say that a great many people of both genders are attached to the Status Quo, because it seems more comfortable not to "rock the boat." If the boat is not rocked, however, it is clear that it just might capsize, and that is a far worse alternative than the discomfort and hard work it takes to create change. In short, men and women must work together to create equal partnership where they live and work and play.
In the end, it is only true partnership in homes and in society that will change the mess we are in. Just as putting a drop of color in a jar of water changes the character of the water, so too, each man and woman´s change in beliefs and actions will change the whole picture. When enough men and women are living their lives in every arena as true partners, it will become clear that the Status Quo has outlived whatever usefulness it might have had, and it will be consigned to the dustbin of history. (p. 134) - Chapter Seven: Future Power
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The future of this world, if it is to have one, lies in the hands of today´s children. If we are to have the kind of future we desire, children must flourish, and we must do all in our power to see that they do. How can we expect our world to thrive if our children are not thriving now? The kind of partnership society between men and women envisioned by N.E.W. is not possible unless children are greatly valued, and are guided to become men and women who can live together as true partners. (p. 154)
The hardest part of our responsibility in raising children who will be able to create a flourishing future is to BE what we want THEM to be. Our words have far less influence on them than our actions. If we want them to be fair and kind, we must be. If we want them to value males and females equally, so must we. If we want them to strive for peaceful solutions, so must we. If we don't want them to abuse alcohol, smoke, or abuse drugs, neither must we. Our children help us to become the very best people we can be by looking to us as examples. By our example today, we are powerfully shaping the future that is in their hands.
One of the best ways to teach children the values and beliefs we have found life giving and positive is through stories. Lessons and values taught in stories stick much better than lectures from adults. There are a lot of stories written for children, and depicted on T.V. and in the movies. Look at them carefully. Do they teach that violence is how to solve conflict? How do they depict the nature and roles of males and females? What values underlie the story? What beliefs shape what happens? And how does all that fit with what you want your children to believe and value, and how you want them to live their lives? (p. 158)
(This chapter includes a special story written for children that is based on the kind of partnership values embraced by N.E.W.) - Chapter Eight: The Power of Our Myths
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There are myths that have come down to us through the ages, and there are myths that we are creating in our own lifetimes. The myths of previous ages reflect the soul-deep beliefs and patterns of life from past cultures. The stories they tell reveal the particular ways in which women and men of old related to each other and to the situations in which they found themselves. (p. 169) Often, they reinforce age-old stereotypes about women and men and their relationships that continue to live in our souls, below the level of our awareness. We need to break the spell of these old myths. They need to be seen, not as determining our lives, but as revealing the hidden beliefs, assumptions, and patterns of life in our collective past. To realize they are not set in stone is to break their hold on our souls and allow us to choose more freely what we believe and how we will live. (p. 170)
Some myths of our time reflect changes in the collective unconscious about the role and potential of women. This is happening because more and more people are choosing different beliefs and living different lives in different patterns than those pictured in the myths of the past, such as "Cinderella", "Sleeping Beauty", myths of the Greeks and Romans, etc. New myths are being born in the collective unconscious that support the emergence of true partnership between women and men, and a flourishing world. These new myths are coming into our consciousness through certain artists, and in dreams, visions, and processes like Active Imagination, as described by Robert Johnson in his book, Inner Work. We can become channels of these new myths. They can empower us by their vital energies, and guide us by their deep wisdom to be true to our best, most powerful selves. (pp. 170,171)
(This chapter includes a modern myth that came to me through Active Imagination which depicts the emergence of women into their full power.) - Chapter Nine: The Power of Your Choosing
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This chapter is yours to write. On these pages you can reflect, question, create your own stories, record insights and ideas, draw feelings, or anything else you choose. If there is something you would like to have read in this book, but found it wasn't there, write it here, in the blank pages reserved just for you. (p. 187ff)
The book concludes with a Bibliography, and a valuable Resource Appendix that includes books, magazines, films, music, T.V. shows, web sites, and organizations that empower women. At the back of the book are templates for meetings of N.E.W. circles which you can use from the book, or copy for use in N.E.W. circles.